There is something wrong with my life...

Perhaps this is the only place i know where i can afford to write things or a place i can turn to when i need someone to listen... With the countdown timer on 5 Days left.... Today is the forth day of november. A levels are just 5 days away excluding today... Its been a long journey... Along the way... i felt many feelings... but never once did i expect to feel this many at any one point in time. As of now... i feel deceived, i feel disappointed, i feel hurt, i feel stressed, i feel as if nothing has been right... Jus about a week ago. The sun shined brightly in the sky and my life seemed well.... All was jus a dream i guess.... Why do i have to go through such things? has anyone ever tried studying for close to 18 hours a day and sleeping 6 hours a day. spending that 18 hours in a place called your second home... i go there not to study but to give guidance... I am kinda pissed doing so. Not that i do not enjoy doing so.. But its draining... Why drain me of my energy... Why do i have to be tormented in this way... Is there another way out... Spending 5 days a week like this... You hardly have any support from anyone. Everyone is busy with their own lives their own things, you find it hard to tell family members since its been long since you communicated... You find your best frenz hard to talk to as they no longer speak in a similar language as you... You are just alone.. All by yourself.... Walking the path alone towards your dreams... What are your dreams?? Do you want to do very very well? Aim for high goals and ambitions? Is it too high for you to reach already. Why don't you give up...Looking at others... They seem fine with everything while i am far from my goal... Should i forgo this goal in mind? are there alternatives? Looking at things differently, is stressed something you put upon yourself? and only by you onto yourself? Why does others around not feel stressed? Why do i have to face with this kind of stuff... and its always when things start improving for the better and you thought that one aspect of life is almost settled... You see that part crumble and fall... And you are back to square one... With nothing to begin with and nothing to lose... You mind wanders at this point... with nothing to lose... You tend to bang hard on almost anything coming your way... And you do without thinking... You act on impulse... I am about to do so but fight on stronlgly for one cause.. and that's YOU. I really jus wish this will end soon... and we can go onto some happier times.... Why does it have to be this way?


WHY?!?!

Apologies and Explanation

well... firstly... i feel very bad for myself lately. lately i have been giving up on a lot of things i enjoy doing for the sake of other important things in my life... haiz.... a lot... i really mean a lot.

1. Not going to scouts
2. Not spending time with LK Brothers™
3. Not voicing out to the person i have feelings for
4. Not using computer on a daily basis


All this all for the sake of.... studies...
I really dunno... why is it that for my common test i wan to put in so much effort. i am stressed and pressurised by it. i am affected by it... i am afraid i can't do well....

Because of all these... i have to forgo my free time for studies. now with only Tues and Fri ending early like say 530. The other days is till 9. even on Sat. I have to put in this much.

This means i rightfully should progress... but... i dun want to progress alone and watch my frenz fall behind... the last time this happened was with LK. When i left the 5 behind and the other 3 jus to go JC. it hurts. so i really wish to push my fellow peers to study and work for what they should be obtaining. but i dunno if it is getting across to them. ppl like WX. whom i tot i did succeed... he seem to slow down again. and the others... i really can't keep asking ppl to study... they have to be self motivated.... you people have to be active so that i can help you guys...


As for Shawn and Clive. So sorry. Esp to Shawn. Really can't make it... my common test is jus 2 weeks away and i dun wan to over work myself. Jus to clarify. if i still go out on sunday. i will not get enuff rest and my body will fall sick. i dun wan to be sick for common test. so sorry. maybe another time. Clive.... so sorry we had to leave tt day. same reason. we need our rest. the following day we actually had to study day to night. therefore...we left early. there will be other opportunities de.... eh... but if you guys wan rite... every mon, wed, fri...if you guys can... do drop by SR outside at bout 9... we can go for some dinner tgt? i am sure it would be great to just see you guys standing outside waiting... haha... (*hint hint*) lol... but... ya... i am sure you guys noe the feeling when lets say after a tiring day... you turn the corner to see your Brothers standing there... the joy would be extreme.... Anyway...


Thanks a lot guys for being there for me always... see you guys around....

Friends

Well... Lately... i seem to have disappointed/angered/irritated someone... well..if the person noes... the person would be reading this... all i have to say is that...

Friends can be categorised into different sections.....
True Friends(LK Brothers™) are people who find your mistakes and do something about it... they make it known to you and not hide it from you. They want you to change and help you to do so... They can be the ones who scold you like hell over some matters.. and after that... you are all still friends.... They correct you when you are wrong... they will not side you when you are wrong because you have to learn.... These are true friends..


You have ordinary friends or social friends... who take it that what you do is always right. even though its wrong, they side you... the make you feel good by saying things you always want to hear... even if they are not true... they are just there to please you and make life look smooth...

Also... Hi-Bye friends... whom just enter and den nvr appear again... perhaps for a short moment... they do make you feel happy being with them... but after a while they are gone....


Well.. i only have all this to say.. to the one i offended... i am sorry for having done what i true frend did in a wrong way... having complained about somethings that day was because i had a bad week to begin with.. if you truly want to the story.. i can tell you seperately... anyway... i am sorry.... its up to you to forgive me or not... its your choice... all the best!!!!

Weird Me

well... recently i have a few problems... its like.. i oso dunno how to say... shall pen it down. it should help... so erm...

Studies... been a taxing first 2 weeks... yes... first 2 weeks... i am like dead le... with my packed timetable... like monday ending at 5, tues at 2.30 but got H3 till like 5.30. wed 3.30 den got small group study till 9. Thurs end at 6 after pe... got small group study till 9 as well.. following that... last day of the week a friday... end at 12.30 den got H3 till 5.30 again... there goes my one week.... of weekdays... weekends... stacks of hw to complete... well.. den its jus like.. no more weekend.. den week start again.. tiring life i have got in school... haiz...

Den...
My brothers.... its like you guys are part of me... without you guys.. my life feels different... its been so long since i met you guys.. and it feels weird for me... its like... i lost something... i really wish to meet you guys... i will try to make some time... even people like justin.. i am really sorry i can't be there to celebrate your birthday... well... i promise... i will return you sth when we meet... den clive and shawn... you two leaves the greatest impact on me de... to me... without you two... i will feel weird... i met shawn, jeff and randy that day... when they came to my house... was glad for that... at least i got to still see them... was really glad... den ming hui... dunno where he disappear to... the only thing we ever did was sms or talk on the phone... lol... where have you gone.. its alway the few of us that has the most jokes de... well... i jus feel lost...

Perhaps it was because i valued friendship... i treasure friendship.... to lose friendship is to lose something great for me... it really hurts....

To David Chu

Well... i dun really know what happened. but i guess you were addressing the matter of your fellow batch mates leaving the group...
well.. i can only say... (well... this implies to many who reads my blog as well.. Lizard, LK, many others la....)

Here goes:
Many things in life come and go... as you progress in life.. you find that things you once treasured no longer stand beside you... i have experinced that... my primary school friends who i used to hang out a lot with... we no longer contact... true... i am more privillaged to have my LK always together... well... it is true that individuals have different passions... take my batch... Shawn and Clive are animal fanatics... Justin is always crazing around with random interest... i jus go freaking crazy over my studies and education.. but though different... we have something in common.. we once walked together, marched together, sweat together.... under the roof of Montfort... we now return in hope of getting things right... we are still held together by scouts.... we can't let go.... true... we do quarrel... you still see us at times falling out on one another... exchanging fists and vulgarities... but deep inside... these are jus momments of anger... it settles after awhile... and we are back again... these are the times when you look back and think.. knowing that we are still together... do bring back joy and happiness... i can only say that... you may have lost some of your batch mates... but you still have your 10 elder brothers of the Senior Ventures to guide you along... you dun suppose we will abandon you in times like this right? you can always address matters to us and we can sort it out.... Take things likely... treasure everything that comes... if the things leave inevitably, you noe you treasured it with your best.... and keep it as a memory... not a regret... see you back in school... study hard.. take care....

Dedications to LK Brothers

haha... was looking at hyena's blog when i found the post on LK Brothers... true enough... i would say i will miss you guys... entering 2009... i dunno if i have enough time to spend with you guys. having you all first on the priority list liao... i have to give you guys time... no... i will... and i must... its you ppl that make me great, make me who i am today...

A recollections of the great things we had done together...
for the histories.....

over the years... our fun times we had at Sir's camp... either pulling corn, clearing and washing tanks, sucking out water from the pond... clearing the mud in the pond.. preparing the food for juniors, washing the mats and "swimming in the toilet". the movie marathons we had over nite and sleep sacrificed just to watch the movies.

My LK Brothers who are in scouts... Mainly my SV unit... well... you people were great. We were taking pictures of our basketball training... we planned for the troop's progress.. helping one another. since sec 1 we went through thick and thin. sec 2 was a tough year. we did our very best to console justin and he stayed on... sec 3 was the year of our leadership... sec 4 we jus played. now pass out... i have to apologise for being a bad leader to you all at the start of the year... i noe i led you all to the rong side... with shawn enlightening me... thanks...

The 2 great buddies whom i never fail to hang out with... Clive, Shawn. we will always have jokes going round. You two were great... we always went shopping for fishes together... we had to get the scouts room cleaned... go hiking oso tgt... go cinema oso tgt.... even on the MRT when we had jokes... its always us 3...

Den there was Ray. You are artistic. always humourous. always appearing at un expected times to make things special... though we hardly meet now... i still feel a strong brotherhood forged into us...

Boar... you were always violent. in LK Brother's list of fighter i think you will hit the top... well... you have the yiqi. always looking out for us. though you like very scared of me. haha... you will always be beside us. hardly ever return to see us.... your toughness still walks with us... i believe one day when we get reunited... we would be the best team again.

Wolf, Tree - you two are always there on saturdays to assist in our cca trainings... you guys are the best pair of helping hands... always can find you all to help me out with anything... remember the skatewave thing... learning it was fun...

Camel - my good pal whom has always been beside me.. and encouraging me since P4.... always calling to check on me.. giving me advice... we will meet some day soon...

Hyena - my great buddy whom i share a lot with. be it jokes, my life, my observations, my studies, my crappy stuff... you are always there to listen. you are unique that you have the guts to do a lot of things... but a very guai boy who always listens to parents... lose your temper easily... but we can always hold you down...

WX - a new addition into our brotherhood.. dun worry... you always have your back covered by us.. you will do great in life... jus focus... dun keep looking for ways to slacck... 1 year with you in sch.. has brought lots of jokes and laughter.. haha... remember... the sick jokes you had in sch.. and your chalet... the MRT joke... haha...

Neo - my great fren who has been caring for me... even though we haven met for long.. always a pleasure to eat with you.. haha... challenging on eating... also... you joke a lot... and always get involved with boar... haha...

Baboon - newest addition into the LK brothers i guess... a very close fren of mine.. haha.. she is always caring and very neat person... will tidy everywhere.. jus very stubborn... she got this name... ask clive la... he noes it...

Thanks a lot guys for my 17th birthday.. the greatest i ever had... the fun we had with cycling, getting taopok-ed. running around... having fun and laughter...

OK... 2 task here for the people of LK Brothers...
1 - i need a list of the whole membership enrollment (chim... haha)
i have
Clive (Fox)
Shawn (Gorilla)
MingHui (Boar)
Daron (Panda)
RayHoe (Ray)
Derry (Wolf)
HweeSiang (Tree)
Jeffrey (Camel)
Justin (Hyena)
Gerald (Neo)
WeiXiang (Name pending)
Yihui (Baboon)

2- planners of LK Brothers.. call for a full reunion. a full day event to get all of us together... and also, plans for any gathering must let everyone noe.

I think the above 2 tasks only clive noe how to do.

Once again...
Thanks LK Brothers... MY ELITE TEAM. I GOT A PHRASE FOR YOU 3 WORDS, 8 LETTERS, 1 MEANING... HGG

YOU PEOPLE ARE THE BEST OF THE BEST ELITE TEAM!!!!

2009 LK Brothers HUAT AR!!!!

Many do not understand

well... i realised that many do not seem to understand why i am doing certain things.... well.... since i was teaching a friend as shared with her my life story, perhaps i should just upload it here for those who want to know why i am doing certain things.


Throughout my life, I have dedicated myself to helping others around me. Being able to help others bring me a great sense of joy and accomplishment as I seem to have made a big difference in their lives. Furthermore, helping others has given me many opportunities and ways to explore the vast world of chances.

At the time of my birth, I was as purple and hard as a rock. My umbilical cord was coiled two rounds around my neck and I was suffocated. In my religion, Buddhism, we believe this as a sign or a mark that symbolises the Buddha beads. At the age of 14, my dad retold this tale to me telling me that due to that, I should be living a life of giving and helping others. Since then, my life changed. I looked at things differently, I offered helping hands to those in need.

Ok... so now everyone noes... haha... well... anyway... yup... tt's the surface... the depth i dun wan type out... you can check personally with me...

To My Special You:
I have decided to wait on...

Love was never easy.
One has to be put through though times in order to love
Valuing you is one thing i have always done
Eternity is the word to describe my love to you

Yes... Its tough to love but i will endure it just to love you
Only true love brought me to say this...
U are the one for me. I Love You