F OFF!

why is everything still so crappy??? i tried so hard to stay happy... why can't happiness last? is it always sadness that fills my life... where am i destined to go? why must things always turn out rongly... things never happen the way i wanted it to... so much for being a nice guy... people never appreciates... i must stop being good le i think... i tried to help... you dun appreciate.. and always try to hurt me.. whats the point.. why try get close to me? ask for help.... receive the help.. and use the help to shoot and hurt me? forget it... no more nice me anymore... forget it... why must you always try to hurt me when i try to get things right? just fuck off la... i have my own control of my circle of frenz.. i choose who to be in it.. i think you are out... so just get lost... dun be irritating... u noe i hate irritating people... can u jus scram....

Clearing things out, letting it out

perhaps you really dunno... well... i jus hope u dunno... so i won't have to be so angry... as time goes on... things changes... i have my things to be busy with.. and so do you.... i try so hard to accommodate for everything i set out to do... i try to make everyone happy... to help others... well... after awhile... i realise tt its too much for me to manage and cope.. den later... i decided perhaps... i should let go... den you were the one who stopped me... i trusted ur view... in hope that i still have some backing when i need it.... however... things are different... we always have different view points...we always quarrel... wads the point... it seems better for me to run my own life and stay committed for others... and break off from the block so as to be away from the nagging and groaning and the draggy stuff from you... well... it seems better than to jus run on like a crazy animal down my life trying hard to balance all out when it is always impossible... the tot of giving it all up and running my life myself is back again... if anybody can get me the answer pls help me... i really dunno wad to do le... at times.. i feel left out... at times.. i fell i should give up... when all else are not right... i jus feel like ending it all.... forget bout me ba....

It never stops!!!

Haiz... why must it be me? i ask myself? jus 6 months ago on 8 January 2008, the doctor told me my condition was stable... everything is under control and that jus under constant medication i would be fine! i followed the instructions and all... everything was jus working out fine till yesterday... i realised it has not left me... i was always with me... being inside me... why can't i get it out.. it always returns.. no matter wad i try!!! i really feel like giving up... the feeling sucks when you have it with you... Its difficult to manage it... you have to note very troublesome matters to ensure it is under control and all that crap... why can't it jus leave me alone... let me have peace? will you? jus let me go... How i wished my life wasn't like this! why must i be the one?!

Orbis

Sth i found on eileen's blog.. haha.. made me laugh a lot... haha.. thanks for the laughter

1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Put comments in brackets after the song name.

5. Put this on your journal.

1. If someone says, “Is this okay?” You say?

Evil - Toshiro Masuda (the person will hate me...)

2.How would you describe yourself?

Put your head on my shoulder - Golden Oldies (Lol.... not for everyone de)

3.What do you like in a girl/guy?

All I Have To Do Is Dream - Golden Oldies (lol... i dun even noe....)

4.How do you feel today?

Complicated - Avril Lavigne (lol... am i complicated? maybe...)

5.What is your life’s purpose?

Sealed With A Kiss - Golden Oldies (only 1 faithful person can do tt...)

6.What is your motto?

I Love How You Love Me - Golden Oldie (haha... tt shall be my new motto)

7. What do your friends think of you?

He's a Pirate - Klaus Badelt (haha... am i one?)

8. What do you think of your parents?

One of us - ABBA (haha... sounds logical)

9.What do you think about very often?

Flaming Racoon - Wizet (haha... i love fire!!!)

10.What is 2 + 2?

Empty - The Click Five (lol... if only the qn was 2 -2 )

11.What do you think of your best friend?

The Incredibles - NYJC Band (lol... my best friend is?)

12.What do you think of the person you like?

The Wind Beneath My Wings - Various Artist (LOVE YA!!!)

13.What is your life story?

Perfect World - Simple Plan (Lol... Cheating myself here....)

14.What do you want to be when you grow up?

To the pirates cave - No artist (Lol... too many POTC song!)

15.What do you think of when you see the person you like?

Only You - The Chipmunks (haha... how cool... u noe its only le lor...)

16.What will you dance to at your wedding?

Tonight I Celebrate My Love For You - No Artist (haha... coincidence?)

17.What will they play at your funeral?

Eyes on Me - Final Fantasy VIII (lol... all looking at my dead body... haha... how nice.)

18.What is your hobby/interest?

With You - Chris Brown (haha... die... my secrets are all out.. its kinda true.)

19.What is your biggest fear?

Cannon (O2 version) - O2Jam (haha... a difficult song... but not my greatest fear...)

20.What is your biggest secret?

一人一半 - 881(haha... it is???)

21.What do you think of your friends?

Flashing Winds - (oops... they come and go?!? no....)

22.What will you post this as?

Orbis - Wizet (Fine lor.. no link de...)

23.What song would you play during your first time having sex?

I Got High - Afroman (OMG!!! that is so not right...)

Great Day!!!

Lol.. today well.... got back GP and Econs.. meaning to say... ya.. all results le lor.. haiz... nth much ba... so far.. only chinese fail!!! why! nvm.. grades are as follows:
(for the MYE Paper)
Maths - A
Chemistry - B
Biology - C
Econs - C
GP - C
MT - S
lol... chinese!!! sianz... anyway.. calculated my score for Uni admission... well... derived at about 74 pts... haha... estimate... now gotta work hard if i wan go UNI!!! still far... haha... jiayous daron... work on ur bio and econs. or MT oso can... well... got to put in effort le... haha... den after sch.. wait before that.. in sch.. wei xiang asked a very lame qn...

WX: How many alphabets are there in the alphabet series?
Daron: 26?
WX: ET left the alphabet series... How many alphabets are there left?
Daron: 24?
WX: Nope. 21 left.
Daron: Why?
WX: Haha... ET left with the UFO. So total of 5 alphabets left... Haha!!!
Daron: -.-///

lol... the stupid joke we make in class... haha... ok... now after school.. went to meet Mrs Tay. haha... den got to realise that i was appointed as students' IC and that i will do co-ordination. haha... den WX and Daryl had to go to council and raise flag... haha... den i went home.. haha... well... thats all for today lor..

A change!!!

Well... today perhaps a change in my mood le... haha... well.. early in the morning went to Kovan Mac to teach cynthia.. haha... den teach till daryl came den we started talking and cynthia decided to slack.. haha... den danica came and we started pw... so cynthia disappeared for like almost 1 hour? haha... well... after that... we decided to stop pw... den have fun by gaming... den internet error... so practically everything cannot work... den danica did her maths.. haha... mugger!!!! well... jus received an invitation by Mrs Lau to teach her niece biology.. haha.. cool... ok.. den back to today.. well.. went back to montfort for CCA meeting.. initial mood "sianz"... haha... den saw MH and all.. den joke a lil.. haha... den sir came.. so started meeting... kinda dry.. so ya.. jus listened.. den he suddenly offered the sch leaver the role of ASL.. haha.. den after meeting spoke to us.. well.. its kinda great to be offered the role.. i would gladly take it.. but was hoping all 5 of us could be ASL tgt.. ibrahim and jeffrey.. pls come back leh.. haha... well.. now can go purchase uniform with tie if i am keen on taking for more than a year as an ASL.. den next year rover oso.. haha... cool... got so many things progressing.. my colours in my life are finally starting to appear... YAY!!!

All is fine?

well... today nth much.. decided to try forget the sad things and starting getting things done. so i started to do AEI for my survey results. had to find some reasons to support certain figures. Of course we have to twist the thing to fit our project... anyways.. Thanks a lot Eileen for sending me the email last nite. It goes like this:

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon,
everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less

'In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.'
- Mother Theresa

Well, maybe i should not be affected by the soil coming down..i should work my way out... Thanks a lot to those whom have been there for me during this period of time. Thanks to:
Eileen
Elaine
Joanne
Rainald
Moontree (for moral support and drive my probs away)

well... more about today... gamed the whole day while trying to do AEI for survey... den i got bored and went exploring the net for other games... nth nice to play.. so back to Cabal... Punched the whole day.. lvl from 50 to 93 le... still got 75 more... haha... long way ahead to reach com. but i shall endure... it helps me pass time. also, tmr a day off.... maybe can cheong abit more... den tmr got PW meeting ma? haha.. wanna do some work le... using work to get over the sadness and stress in me... i need to put in effort to step over the soil remember?? haha... can't wait to transcribe with my group again.. all the fun we had... tgt with cleo and WX... haha... trying to make out words and trying our very best to type fast.. haha... the great times i had in sch... oh ya... on friday morning WX and i reported for morning exercise but realise that daryl was missing. den run/walk the 3K joking and laughing our way... WX ran with a sweater.. and its not pink. how amazing. WX's comment. I wore a sweater to make me sweat. haha. den showered in the sch toilet with cold water. cold as water cooler water. haha.. the great times i had in sch... haha...

CRAP! (Part 1)

haiz... well... finish school today jus to realise that i lost something. a something very precious to me. well. if its fated. i say i have to let go. well... this is life... when you have to jus let go... also... i finally had some talk with my mum. din really help much though... i feel like breaking down. questions that i ask myself, is it my study method that caused my pathetic grades? or was it the letting go of studies during the hols. well... i had to let go of studies during the hols. with my CCA and my relaxation time. if i really carried on in the hols. i may be mentally too stressed for now... jus what went rong? i really cannot find the answer... a psychologist cannot nvr treat himself. well... i began to wonder if my life was really meant to be into medical studies or even a degree? could i live past this 2 years and make it into a uni for medical course? or to a uni but for other course i have no interest in? or should i go into a diploma and come out to work? who has the answers? i am really lost. Having crapped my way out in school, and not putting in effort in sch... with friendship probs... and all that crap.... i should really jus cut myself out and submerge myself into some form of serious study. perhaps to end my additional family? cut off all my gans... i should go to an ordinary jc life where its sch sch and sch only. so wad if life is short... perhaps in my this life i was pre-destined to die of over-study... well.. so be it... since life is fixed from the start of it. at birth.. my path was made... perhaps... at this point in time as i type... it was already planned 16 years ago when i entered the world... i was made to take a step and path planned by the above... so be it... if i have to take the challenge i take it on with full force. if i have to end my life miserably... so be it... i cannot take it anymore... things have never been the same since that day.. things screw up... problems come up... life start to suck... people start becoming irritating and fucking arrogant. my friends i turn to(WX/D) are losing the enthusiasm in studies. people whom i once trust now i lose trust in. with the constant lack of sleep and all.. things jus won't go right. have i been sacrificing too much for others? my sleep time sacrificed when i talk on the phone?

CRAP! (Part 2)

wad are my priorities? why should i be so bothered about my certain people? (HY) if u really understand do sth bout it... have i been to bothered bout others that i left myself out? i try to fulfil everyone's wishes. Granddad wishes a grandson with a degree... here i am suffering for it. Dad wants a successful son in doctor field... here i am trying to produce it. Mum throws full trust in her elder son to be a degree holder, here i am struggling at it. Rain wans people to cabal with him, i spend time on it. Teachers expecting hw to be done. i rush them through. MW wans me back at CCA to improve the unit and troop... i promise and do my best. Shawn expecting more input from the ventures with his crude words, i try to comply and make thigns work out. If they wan all these so badly, can they at least look at how many other things people want? at least understand how much i am going through... all they say is... its only tough for this 2 years... ok.. so its tough... wan see its tough till i drop dead one day? attend my funeral ok? pay me a last visit. WTF. teaching my fellow schoolmates and classmates is something i enjoy doing. it helps me... i learn from them as well... these are the people whom have really contributed largely to me even though they have wishes from me.i enjoy helping them as i benefit largely from them and seem to enjoy the time spent with them. thanks alot to the following people: (in no order of merit)
- Eileen
- Chesed
- Grace
- Cynthia
- Chermaine
- Wei Xiang
- Daryl
- Danica
- Cleo
- Brenda
Thanks guys for helping me...

Also, people whom have always been there for me and bring joy into my life:
- Wei Xiang
- Daryl
- Eileen
- Yen Teng
- Jia Qi
- Danica
- Elaine
- Ibrahim
- Valerie
- Clifford
- Hui Yee
- Joanne
- Ling Yee
- Limei
- Joey
- Cindy
- Most importantly Jolin
Thanks for being of great help to me....

Bio paper

Well... maybe today wasn't a really good day. the day started out real bad when i receive a call from someone... and tt got me very pissed... to the person who offended me.. well... jus think before u make any comments next time... i shall forgive you... den went for lessons... well.. got bio paper back.. a very great setback again.. i got a C... how sian... now was jus hoping my common day papers can help pull my grades.. den i realised... GP grades need to be good for me to pass... my both common test were rather bad.... haiz... den went to transcribe the interview.. had a lot of fun there... keep joking and laughing... trying to make out the words... lol... well... so far my papers are like:
Maths - A
Chemistry - B
Biology - C

how nice.... i wished i had really put in more effort...

Why doesn't anyone understand??

well... got back my papers today. for maths and chem.. well.. not very to wad i expected. the result were good. i noe. but no one unds how i feel. to me, one competes only with one self and not others. this goes to say... so wad if u are the first... you can't meet ur standards and defeat urself, u are useless... well... i would say... i am rather disappointed with myself... and some ppl jus dun get it and keep claiming that the result i obtained had no reasons to be sad at. Well, V,I... i dun wan to name the names... but erm.. jus be sensative to others feelings... ur words could be hurting at times... and... well... if an improvement of a mark is still an improvement... congratz to ppl whom have improved (D/WX). Keep up the good work... and for ppl in my class... its been clear that there are people whom i really cannot stand... well... WX asked me a qnestion in PE today.. and i find it true.. haiz... Like what i deduced. There are people who need attention and people who want attention. A need is something someone cannot make do without... a want is something luxury.. hopefully people change... kick off that want of urs... maybe people will start to accept you. when u notice people starts ignoring you or give you short answers. Think about it. what went rong... dun keep going on.. it makes ppl hate u even more... Well, anyway whats done is done and cannot be undone... (D/WX/I) shall work hard from where we left off and work for better grades and meet our expectations for promos...

Btw, my grades were:
Maths - A
Chemistry - B