CRAP! (Part 1)

haiz... well... finish school today jus to realise that i lost something. a something very precious to me. well. if its fated. i say i have to let go. well... this is life... when you have to jus let go... also... i finally had some talk with my mum. din really help much though... i feel like breaking down. questions that i ask myself, is it my study method that caused my pathetic grades? or was it the letting go of studies during the hols. well... i had to let go of studies during the hols. with my CCA and my relaxation time. if i really carried on in the hols. i may be mentally too stressed for now... jus what went rong? i really cannot find the answer... a psychologist cannot nvr treat himself. well... i began to wonder if my life was really meant to be into medical studies or even a degree? could i live past this 2 years and make it into a uni for medical course? or to a uni but for other course i have no interest in? or should i go into a diploma and come out to work? who has the answers? i am really lost. Having crapped my way out in school, and not putting in effort in sch... with friendship probs... and all that crap.... i should really jus cut myself out and submerge myself into some form of serious study. perhaps to end my additional family? cut off all my gans... i should go to an ordinary jc life where its sch sch and sch only. so wad if life is short... perhaps in my this life i was pre-destined to die of over-study... well.. so be it... since life is fixed from the start of it. at birth.. my path was made... perhaps... at this point in time as i type... it was already planned 16 years ago when i entered the world... i was made to take a step and path planned by the above... so be it... if i have to take the challenge i take it on with full force. if i have to end my life miserably... so be it... i cannot take it anymore... things have never been the same since that day.. things screw up... problems come up... life start to suck... people start becoming irritating and fucking arrogant. my friends i turn to(WX/D) are losing the enthusiasm in studies. people whom i once trust now i lose trust in. with the constant lack of sleep and all.. things jus won't go right. have i been sacrificing too much for others? my sleep time sacrificed when i talk on the phone?